How to turn a man down (as if..)

HE: I'm a photographer i've been looking for a face like yours!SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon .i've been looking for a face like yours!!!HE: Hi!didn't we go on a date once? or was it twice?SHE: Must've been once.i never make the same mistake twice!!!HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?SHE: No,i'd like to …

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Marriage jokes

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, …

An Australian Love Poem (Who said Australians weren’t romantic?)

Of course I love ya darling, You're a bloody top notch birdAnd when I say you're gorgeous, I mean every single wordSo ya bum is on the big side, I don't mind a bit of flabIt means that when I'm ready, There's somethin there to grabSo your belly isn't flat no more, I tell ya, …

Best text joke ever?

Exercise Programme. Take one Weetabix. Take one Aero. Crumble the Aero over the Weetabix. Voila. Aerobix...Some of my favourite replies...."i dn get it""Can I just eat the aero?""that's the bets joke you've ever sent me"It's like reading the reviews on DVD's isn't it? 😉

TOP TEN TRICKS TO LIVEN UP A MEETING

Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the 'real' reason this meeting has been called.Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table.During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she seems to consider important), make …

One pence

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer."Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 penny.""ONE PENNY!" exclaims the guy.The barman replies, "Yes."So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas, and a fried …

Nights out

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman …

Customer Service par excellence

Indeed, an award should go to the Air Malta gate attendant at Luqa airport: some months ago for being customer focused, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. A crowded Malta-London flight was cancelled. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly …